Yesterday I was about to write my work log at 11:30pm, but then I notice that when I am tired I am also uninspired, and so I wish to finish early and leave a lot of thoughts unfinished, as if in a dazzle, rambling because I don’t want to expend intellectual effort in putting my inner-house in order.
So I decided to write my work log in the morning, but a similar thing happened: I woke up pretty groggy and it took me an hour of mindlessly navigating the internet to finally come to my senses and think: this is like watching TV, I better write my work log.
Sometimes I think I would be better off deleting the first two or three paragraphs of my work logs, and in fact, sometimes I do, because the purpose of these introductory paragraphs is to simply frame the text that I’m going to write, to find a place where thought can flow, and thus hold very little informational value, it is like a youtube video where you skip the first 20%-30% because the speaker takes a while to get to the point.
But today I will leave it here, as evidence of my own process of writing.
Yesterday I had a call with a future client for a small customization of Method Draw. She has a logo creator site in which existing logos are available for customization with SVG-Edit. I have the sense that this kind of work is drudge work but necessary at this time. I have not been able to work on the “caret game” because of my financial responsibilities, and so the eternal conundrum of paid-work vs play-work is put into evidence.
What would be play-work at this time? I have a project which is currently half-baked, but I could release perhaps in a month of full-time dedication. Nobody paid me for this project, it arose from a sustained inspiration over the years, and also from my own need, because it saves me time and it helps me reason about and implement color schemes.
This client wanted a custom color scheme for her version of Method Draw, and I was elated that somebody asked for this, for this was a nice intersection between paid-work and play-work, this bridging the gap between these kinds of work. As I write this I realize: I ought to do this for myself, to make play-work pay the bills, yet the formula remains elusive and the temptations to sell out are great.
For the time being, this is idle thought, because I must meet my professional commitments before even thinking about how to be more creative with my own time. The problem is: once my professional commitments are completed, I will find myself in the need to seek more paid-work, because I cannot sponsor myself more free time for my creative pursuits.
Instead of complaining of my lack of creative freedom, I will appreciate what this lifestyle brings me: total flexibility of time, zero meetings, total geographical freedom, a sense of sovereignity in which I only hold myself accountable to myself. The geographical freedom is a bit illusory: even though I can work from anywhere, in practice I must live where I live because I don’t pay rent, and thus I’m bound (and privileged, frankly) to live in the house of the family (on my own, fortunately).
When I contemplate the situation by comparing to a fulltime position within a company, I can observe that—according to my own values—I am in an advantageous position, because my appreciation for money or a steady cash flow is less than my appreciation for freedom and flexibility. These values change as our life station changes, and I’m sure if I had children, the order would reverse.
I have written during 30 minutes. It is time to put myself to work.