I’m wirting this the next day because of the constraint don’t write work logs in an altered state of consciousness and, after some beers with René I felt compelled to write a work log, but I left it for today. And I’m glad, because yesterday was important.

I woke up with a very different sensation, the cloudy mood of the last few weeks was lifted, and I was mystified by it, since I couldn’t pinpoint to a specific source. In my sleep I had many dreams, among them one in which I won a modest lottery of 1,054 euros and I was incredibly relieved. The dream was not the source of my uplifted state, but it pointed to the fact that some of the stress is financially induced, and that relief will be found if I make even a modest amount of money.

I had proposed to myself to work from the library, but then I sat down at the computer and had an incredible focus run from 8am to 12, and only then I took work to the library, where my focus was somewhat diminished. Throughout the day I could only notice the difference in experience my mood was causing, and despite my best efforts to simply enjoy it, the ego was constantly trying to find the signs where I found this oasis in the desert.

Though various candidates were found, I had to admit it was simply a fluke. I have no control over my mood any more than I have control over the weather. And today, with a very minor hangover, the positive mood has dissipated. The sun came out briefly through the clouds and illuminated everything, then it was obscured again. Assigning a personal reason for this would be superstition. But it’s a big consolation to be reminded that that the grayness is not in the world itself, it’s simply a veiled sun.