I could have launched today, but there’s no point. It’s a good time to announce, but it’s late in Europe and I’m getting sleepy. I’ll use the day of tomorrow to polish things off and get some rest to be in the right frame of mind. Though I fully admit it may be false bravado, the shadow has ways of hiding from awareness that would elude the most meticulous detective.
This morning I woke up in a neutral state, quite early. I did some work and decided it would be good to work in the library. As I was packing up, out of nowhere I felt butterflies in my stomach am I nervous?, no, I felt… I felt in love. How strange. I walked to the library dwelling in the sensation, enjoying it. As I worked the sensation transmuted into focus and then clarity. By now the sensation is gone, but it was pleasant.
I’m surprisingly calm today, I’m equanimous regarding results: que sea lo que Dios quiera. I’ve put forward my best effort given my current circumstances and my current knowledge. I notice many things that could be improved, but these kind of projects are usually tackled by teams of specialists. If I could do this by myself it’s only because I’ve relied on what those saints called open source developers have built before me.
But I am also concerned about a midway success: the path is clear both in failure and success, but the middle ground puts me in an ambiguous situation. Though I know it useless worrying about this, I find my thought gravitating towards the scenario where I have to produce another project quickly, and I wouldn’t be able to muster the energy to accomplish it. I’ll consider take the way of failure then, the only difference is that I’ll be in a better financial position to handle it.