I’m writing this from write.now, the offshoot that came out of Flow, the writing app of René Galindo. I’ve been programming it the last few days. It’s been surprisingly difficult to put it where I want it to be, mostly due to my unstable mood.
I see physical manifestations: my face has an irritation, lunch caused me to bloat (very rare in me) and I got an infected zit behind my ear, all this appearing at once. It’s surprising that the mind can drive itself to stress.
The easy way out seems to be to take a break, but I know will either completely unlatch from the project and find an aversion to further work, as has happened in the past, or I won’t be able to unlatch at all, causing further frustration. So the strategy is to not force anything, to meditate a lot (which I’ve done today), and to be aware of what is going on.
Today I went to the study hall, and I tried working for about an hour, but it clearly felt it wasn’t helping. I was irritated by everything. So I came back home and had moments of focus and moments of frustration. Some progress was made, and all in all I’m satisfied with the day.
In the morning I had a dream in which I died in a plane crash, and I went to heaven. But this can’t be heaven I thought, there’s litter everywhere!. I begun picking up litter, but then desisted because there was too much to pick up. I walked through a forest, encountering less litter and larger and larger trees, most of them chestnut trees. Then I came upon a massive redwood tree and I thought: how strange, I never saw this tree in my lifetime. The tree was perhaps 6-7 meters in diameter, and I looked up but it shot straight through the sky into the clouds and I couldn’t see the top. There was a hedera helix of equally massive proportions spiraling around its trunk, leaves as large as an alocasia. “Wow, this is heaven” I thought. Then I woke up.