Anxiety woke up in the middle of the night: “I am milking less than the milkman!”, I thought. It took me a couple of seconds to realise I had been dreaming. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I worked three hours in the middle of the night, and then went back to bed.
I the morning I hurried to the library, only to find that it was packed and there was not a single space available to work, so I came back home and lost myself in a flurry of activity. After lunch I went outside with a coffee and sat in the sun. I meditated for a bit, and I noticed my thoughts drifting towards the challenges I’m having with the code.
How interesting it is to notice one’s thoughts. In former times these thoughts would have been of inadequacy, but I had more control over them. This time around the mind refuses to unlatch from work. Urges that I’m wasting my time sitting, back to breath, how am I going to tackle this problem? back to breath, what am I going to do for the release? back to breath.
I then went to the library and worked until exhaustion. This is the first time in this period that I’ve felt it throughly, my body was aching and I had a slight headache. I called it a day and came back home.
Edit: and then I put four more hours. I couldn’t help it.