Today I had that sensation of being overwhelmed with the amount of things to do. “Where should I begin”, I thought. “Probably with what is most important”. And so I sat down early in the morning to work on the course.
When I looked at the clock it was 2pm already, I told my cousins I’d join for lunch but they didn’t answer, so I just went out to grab lunch and came back home. I had a two hour nap and then resumed work at five. It is 12:30 now. I worked… 14 hours today! I didn’t even notice. Well, my back is kinda protesting that statement.
These kind of days are things that cannot be accounted for when registering virtue. When the muse calls it is better to cancel all other appointments. How wonderful when reason, passion and spirit agree on what is important to work, I was glad to forgo many things to have my intimate work time.
Tomorrow fixed appointments will necessarily interrupt this kind of work. It’s good, there’s chores that do not require as much concentration and can be picked up easily.
Today the strangest moods coloured the soul. There is a contradiction of sensations: a teenage angst and a peaceful serenity simultaneously. Yes, that describes it well. The teenage angst stuff was interesting to observe, it is if I were listening to myself when I was 17, on one part hating the world but on the shadow part desperate to fit in.
And behind this mental discourse, an old man amused at the tantrum. “Yeah kid! They all suck!”. But he says so with that joviality that reveals the understanding of the sensation: in order to burn down what one believes, one must allow the fire to smolder. Then, one day, the ashes will fertilize the earth so that new plants can grow.